1 CRAZY month and I am back!!!

Okay I know its been a month. I haven't lost any weight so now its 30 in 2!! I guess I have to get serious!!!

Why, might you ask, did I go away and come back after a month? Well, its been quit a month for us Clark's. My husband is the International director to Haiti for a missions organization called Christian Services International (CSI). So, my last few posts took place as he was on a planning trip to Belize. While he was in the air to come home, the earthquake hit Haiti. So, needless to say he felt he should go help out and see if the CSI missionaries and families were okay and try to plan where to go from there as far as CSI missions in Haiti were concerned. We saw him a total of maybe 2 waking hours before he was off to Haiti. I have never feared for my husbands life like I did while he was on that trip!! So, I gave up the blog in turn for some serious prayer!! I ate whatever I wantd becuase, as I have come to learn, that is how I cope with stress. So, here I am a month later. Jon is home, but spends most of his waking hours on the telephone and computer managing things for, about, and around Haiti! Thank Goodness we both feel that this is where he is to be right now our this could be a rough time for us. But, here I am again and ready to try again!!!

Here is on thing that I have learned (besides I cope with stress via food, I also celebrate with food, play with food, and plan food!! We have been snowed in for 3 days and what have I done? We made snow ice cream, I planned and made a meal like grandma would have (fried steak, gravy, garden green beans cooked all morning with onion and bacon, and homemade rolls). I went shopping for the snow in and what did I focus on??? Food!!! I could have been planning games and activities...

I AM OBSSESSED!!! I want food for every occasion!!!! Happy, sad, playful, family life, hobbies...what's a crochet group or a scrapbook get together without food!!! I went to Bible Study this last Tuesday and halfway expected food. Why? Becuase food should be everywhere in my book!!!

So, let's take this obsession and what I learned while Jon was in Haiti and meld it into a new plan. I have read, watched, listened, and heard a lot about Haiti since Jon has been working from our home office (the front room of our house) and one thing that I realizede quickly about Haiti before and after the earthquake is that food was not plentiful! It was a way to keep alive (and even more so now) not a way to celebrate, "deal", or plan. They are thankful for the food they have and eat what they can get. Most of it all natural home grown or gathered to be sold at a market. Now don't get me wrong I will eat almost anything. But, not becuase I need the food, but becuase I am obsessed with it. I HAVE AN ADDICTION!!! Like a drug addict I want food all the time, when I wake up, before I go to bed, as a celebration, and as a way to deal with life. NOT HEALTHY!!!

So, I am going to try to remember there are people in this world that use food appropriatly. TO STAY ALIVE!!! Not to celebrate, to deal, or to just have it to have it. No, I am not going off the deep end, I am not going to starve myself, just try to be more aware of why I am eating and what I am eating. I will not eat because I am bored, happy, sad, or upset. Food is my nurishment, not my drug.... I hope.

I have also been reading some pioneer books and they have the same feeling about food. It is something they NEED to stay alive, not something that they eat for funnsies. Yes, they celebrate with food at times, but not day in day out for reasons like I had a good day!! Or I had a bad day!! They celbrate at barn risings (where they worked thier hind ends off and needed the food). So, join me as I try and I stress TRY to adapt to this new regime. Less food for emotion purposes, and less food per serving. Why do I have to eat 3xs what I really need to at a meal? Not becuase I am hungary... I think at times its becuase I no not want to have to mess with putting it away, or becuase it is so yummy I don't want anyone else to eat the rest but me, or becuase I am just plain greedy!!! So, starting tomorrow (the one month anniversay of my last post... I start. Eat less often, eat less at of a serving, and eat less out of emotion.

Now to plan something other than a meal... I want to reward myself with things as I reach goals.... what would I normally give myself? You guessed it... food!!! Obviosly not part of the plan anymore. So, what will it be?? See the next post. I am going to sit down, Drink some water, and plan my rewards!!!
Roxann